The Other Side of the Coin
by madkin
Summary: A look into what Michaela being back means to Jared and Lourdes, individually and as a couple.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I'm obsessed with this unfortunate love triangle. Please tell me I'm not the only one. I am? Oh well. This is just a short one-shot type of thing. Might continue it as the episodes go. Who knows? Let me know what you think._

* * *

Jared takes a deep breath as he turns his key. He slowly walks in and puts his jacket and bag by the door. "Lourdes?" He doesn't know how to tell her that he saw Michaela and that she knows. They'd decided together that neither of them should go to the hanger. The decision had been hard to make, but what was harder was seeing the footage of families reuniting and knowing he could have been there. Michaela's dad called him, told him he belonged there with the rest of the family no matter what had happened in the last 5 years but Jared politely declined. He cited this missing girls case he's heading and every hour does count, but he's not the only person working the case. Someone would have covered for him for a couple hours while he greeted Michaela and they would have been more than happy to. It's not every day your loved ones come back from the dead.

"In the kitchen," Lourdes calls out. He doesn't smell anything cooking so he's not surprised when he finds his wife wallowing in a carton of mint chocolate chip, Michaela's favorite.

"Mint chip huh?" Lourdes meets his eyes and he feels guilt rush through him. Michaela had already called him a couple times, or maybe it really was Grace, before he saw her at the precinct today. Lourdes hadn't heard from her once and she felt too guilty to reach out herself.

Lourdes hands him her spoon and grabs another from the drawer. "Tell me about your day. Any luck with those girls?"

He knows she's looking for a distraction but he has to tell her. "I saw Michaela."

Her shoulders are tense when she turns to look at him. "You saw her? Where?"

"At the precinct. She stopped by." He twirls his spoon in the ice cream.

"And?" Lourdes sets her spoon down as she turns her full attention to her husband. "What did she say? You talked to her, right? Is she okay? Does she know? About her mom?' He notes that she doesn't ask the obvious question.

"I talked to her. She's okay, I think. We didn't really- We didn't talk long. A few minutes." He's not someone who stumbles over his words. Lourdes makes an impatient 'keep going' gesture. "I don't know if she knows about her mom I assume someone told her. It's been a few days." He scratches his beard as he tries to think through those few minutes with her. "She saw my ring."

"Oh." Lourdes deflates. She leans back against the counter. "Did you-"

"Yeah." Jared takes his first bite of the melting ice cream. "I told her it was you."

Lourdes slowly nods. Well, there went any hope of getting her best friend back. "So she hates me, right?"

"No. She didn't-" say she hated Lourdes. Just left him standing there when he tried to explain.

"What did she say?"

Jared shrugs. "She didn't say much. I tried to explain and she just- she walked away."

"She walked away? That's it?" Jared brings his spoon to his lips. "There must be more."

"I only talked to her for a few minutes."

"But what did she say?" She knows that most people would think she'd feel jealous or insecure about her husband talking to the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with (and she's felt that apprehension too over the last few days), but right now she's jealous of Jared. Michaela called him and then he got to see her and talk to her today. What if Michaela never wanted to see her again?

Jared stares at his wife helplessly. He knows how much she wishes Michaela would reach out, how much she wants her best friend back. "She looks exactly the same."

Lourdes sinks back into the ice cream. "She does?"

"Doesn't look like she aged a day." Jared's spoon stops mid-air. "It's crazy."

"Did she seem okay?"

Jared meets her eyes. "She seemed like Michaela."

* * *

Lourdes paces the living room as she waits for Jared to arrive home. He'd called her earlier to tell her he was on his way and now she was just impatiently waiting, so when he finally walks in, it should be no surprise that she doesn't even wait for him to close the door. "So?"

Jared sighs as he hears his wife behind him. He shuts their front door and puts his bag down and then turns around with a tired smile. "Nice to see you too, honey." She doesn't return his smile "Yeah, I saw her."

Lourdes resumes her pacing and Jared slips his jacket and shoes off as he watches her. Michaela wasn't officially back at work yet but she was making almost daily stops at the precinct to talk to the big boss. Every day Michaela didn't reach out the more anxious Lourdes become. "Did she say-"

Jared shakes his head. "We didn't talk about it." He'd addressed the situation with Michaela exactly once and on accident. He didn't go to her house with the intention of accusing her of lashing out to get his attention but it had slipped out nonetheless. It wasn't so much that he believed that's what she was doing, but more that Jared didn't understand how Michaela could ignore the fact that he'd married her best friend. It clicked for him in the worst way when Michaela detailed for him exactly all the ways her life was falling apart around her in the week she'd been back. He didn't tell Lourdes about it. He's not sure why. He's told her everything else, but when the opportunity to tell her came he couldn't get the words off his tongue. "Maybe you should go by Grace's house."

"I can't." Lourdes twists her wedding ring as she tries to reconcile the fact that her husband may cost her, her best friend.

"Michaela's not-" He stops short. He doesn't know how to tell her that Michaela said she didn't hold anything against them without admitting he'd been lying by omission. "She doesn't seem like she's holding grudges. You should go see her."

When Lourdes doesn't falter or make eye contact he gently steps in her path. With a soft tone, he says, "Go to Grace's."

Lourdes comes home an hour later despondent. He manages to get out of her that Michaela wasn't home or at least that was what Grace said. She locks herself in the bathroom and then goes to bed before him.

* * *

The next morning Lourdes is adamant that she's going into work with him. If the pattern holds, Michaela will show up at some point and Lourdes doesn't want to give her any more opportunities to avoid her. He thinks it's a bad idea, but he knows he can't stop Lourdes so he drives her to work with him. She insists on sitting in the waiting chairs at least 10 feet from his desk so that when Michaela walks in she won't have to seem them together. He's not sure how much difference 10 feet is going to make but he respects and shares the sentiment so he doesn't say anything.

When Michaela does walk in, it's a disaster. That's not entirely true. It could have been so much worse, but watching Michaela's surprised face and then panicked eyes switch between his and Lourdes's is painful. Lourdes's disappointment as Michaela walks past her with an insincere promise to catch up soon hurts him just as much.

He finds Michaela later on and resolves to put in a good word for Lourdes. Michaela assures him again that she's not trying to punish either of them which might make the whole thing worse because how can he or Lourdes be upset with her for needing time to adjust? The extent to which Michaela needs to adjust hits him hard as she casually mentions her last range time was 10 days ago in her timeline. That means it's only been a few days for her. For her, it was only a week since he proposed. Did that mean she was still in love with him? He thinks he gets his answer when she admits that seeing him and Lourdes together made her want to puke or faint or both. In response, he finds himself making a small admission of his own; he never replaced her


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This is short, my bad. But more is coming because did you see tonight's episode? Anyway, let me know what you think._

* * *

The first time Lourdes mentions it, it's a poor attempt at casual nonchalance. Why don't we invite Michaela over for dinner? We haven't seen her in a while. Completely ignoring that he sees Michaela every day at work. He's essentially paired up with her now thanks to the NSA, but Lourdes doesn't know that.

She's also conveniently ignoring that dinner would be more awkward than anything else he can imagine and that there's no way in hell Michaela will want to come. It will fall on him to wrangle her into coming. But he can't slowly rebuild a relationship with Michaela (albeit of a different nature) and not try to help his wife do the same. They both love her and it's not fair for him to shrug off Lourdes's wants just because he gets to see Michaela every day so he agrees.

Michaela blows him off with no excuse at all besides not wanting to do it. He missed that about her. When he texts Lourdes to try and let her down easy, Lourdes insists he push so when Michaela tries to take off for the day he gives it another try. The guilt gets to her and she reluctantly agrees.

The ride from the station to his house reeks of awkwardness. He hates it. Sometimes at work, it's all professional and distant. And sometimes they both relax and all the easiness of being around each other comes rushing back. Then there's this awkwardness of him marrying her best friend. They've managed to avoid it over the last week but he has a feeling it will linger in the air all through tonight. When they finally get through the door, he can see Michaela looking to him for what to do but he honestly doesn't know. It's not like he's had dinner with his dead, almost-fiance and his current, used to be her best friend, wife before.

Seeing his discomfort as well, she decides to lean into it and calls out, "Honey, we're home." Lourdes seems to be doing much better than they are because she comes out of the kitchen all smiles and casual normalness. Then comes the first of what he assumes will be the worst of the evening; he kisses Lourdes in greeting and then shoots his eyes to Michaela. She'd pulled a fairly obvious move and almost completely turned around to look behind her. He hopes she found the front door rather than the picture hanging on the wall behind her featuring him and Lourdes. He fleetingly wonders if seeing them together still makes her want to puke or faint or both.

Dinner starts off exactly as he expected. It's all stumbling over words and awkward passing of plates. It doesn't help that Michaela waves off the wine. Thank God for Lourdes because when she comes back to the table with a water for Michaela she pulls her chair away from him and closer to Michaela. Despite the round table, he seems to be opposite both of them and between that and the lack of physical affection and the avoidance of the 5 years Michaela was missing, they finally settle into a friendly and comfortable (or as comfortable as can be) conversation. He's enjoying the sound of her laugh. He didn't realize how much he missed it.

He's not sure what sets Michaela off but she goes quiet suddenly. Back in the day, he would have just thought she got lost in her thoughts, no big deal, but now it holds a significance it never had before. His fears are realized when Michaela jumps up from the table with a muttered thank you for dinner and runs out. Lourdes's face falls fast and as he comforts her he tries to ignore the urge to go after Michaela. It's two dueling desires. He wants to stay with Lourdes but he also wants to run after Michaela. It was obviously too soon for them all to be together and he'd forced Michaela's hand anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: This is actually from Michaela's POV so it probably doesn't belong in this collection, but humor me. Let me know what you think._

* * *

Michaela takes a deep breath and holds it in until it's uncomfortable. There's an audible woosh as she exhales. She's trying not to look at Jared. If she looks at Jared, she'll cry and she's already spent the first 3 hours crying so it's time for a change. She tries to count in French but it's pretty pathetic considering she's using her vague recollection of her high school French which she wasn't even good at while it was being spoon-fed to her.

Her thoughts glide to Lourdes without any logical progression. She wants to say she remembered to call Lourdes but the truth is that by the time it occurred to her someone at the police station had beaten her to it. Thirty minutes ago she was on her way, so Michaela imagines her busting through the door at any moment. There's nothing wrong with this picture. Michael's not even holding his hand. She's a couple feet away in a visiting chair, facing away from him. She's not sure why if she's honest. It's not because of Lourdes, she knows that. No one would hold it against her if she were by his side, holding his hand. That's what you do when people you love are in the hospital.

She's still flip-flopping back and forth between reasons to hold his hand and reasons to just stay where she is when she hears him groan. If she thought her mind was racing before, then it kicked into overdrive then. She hovers over him anxiously and waits. The scratchy "Hi," is everything. She thought he was never going to wake up. That he'd die just like Vance and it would be her fault. But then his eyes flicker around her face and he's wearing a small smile. She registers in the back of her head that she's actually said "hi" at least three times, but it's not important enough to garner her attention.

Common sense kicks in and she thinks of Lourdes on her way here, probably worried out of her mind. As she tries to pull her hand free, she feels him tug her back. It feels so faint that she might think she imagined it except his raspy, "No, please," convinces her it's real. She knows what his request to stay means in the moment. She's not oblivious but it doesn't really matter because that's what she wants too. She doesn't want to share him with Lourdes and, more importantly, she doesn't want to leave him seconds after he woke up, so she sits down and doesn't let go of his hand. He falls asleep within minutes and she vaguely wonders if she should have called a doctor before dismissing the thought as having watched too many medical dramas.

As she watches him sleep, she can feel a sense of comfortability wash over her. Yes, her mind is racing with the implications of Jared asking her to stay instead of getting his wife to sit with him, but she also remembers this feeling from when she was with Jared. It feels like home and she's really, really missed it. The only other time she's felt at home since coming back was with her dad last week and even then something felt incomplete without her mom there to give her advice. That's what she'd really wanted that day. She wanted her mom to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay and that it was okay to still be in love with Jared even if she never told him. That she'd find her footing and it would all work out the way it was supposed to.

Her eyes dart to his face as he shifts. He doesn't look peaceful but she can't imagine he's very comfortable hooked up to all these wires while also injured. As he settles, she lets the thoughts about Lourdes take front and center. What did it mean that Jared would rather her be by his side than his wife? Did it mean anything? That was a stupid question. Of course it meant something, but did it change anything? Or was this just another awkward moment to sweep under the rug as if there wasn't something from their past still lingering between them? Nothing romantic had happened. Nothing even that friendly had happened between them, but there was something she couldn't put her finger on that felt inappropriate. Maybe it was Jared's protectiveness or her festering feelings but there was always another layer to their interactions. He was _too_ protective. She was pushing him away _too_ much. Really, they were trying too hard to act normal but that was natural. It would take them time to adjust. Unless Jared asking her to stay changed something. She feels guilty for the thought immediately. Jared and Lourdes were starting a family and the last thing she wanted to do was cause any more pain to the people she loved. And she did love Lourdes. She wanted their friendship back the same way she wanted Jared back because she loved them both. But they had each other now and regardless of how many dinners they hosted she didn't fit into their lives anymore.

There's a beautiful irony that Lourdes rushes into the room at that moment. Michaela finds herself jumping up and dropping Jared's hand as if it burned her, but Lourdes doesn't comment. She walks over and pulls Michaela into a big hug and asks if she's alright because Lourdes is an amazing friend. That's who she is at her core. Michaela tries to brush her concern off by filling her in on Jared's condition. She only lasts a couple of minutes before the excuses to leave start bubbling out of her. Lourdes tries to convince her to stay, that she has every right to be there, but Michaela can't do it. She can't watch Lourdes be a loving wife to the man she's in love with. It hurts too much so she insists that she has to check on her brother and that she'll check in later. Lourdes lets her go with a sad, knowing smile.


End file.
